Are those voices in your head really yours?
Blog In this issue of my newsletter, we’ll be talking about a new concept. I’ve recently been taking a course by Shirzad Chamine. He wrote the book Positive Intelligence. I’d heard about the concept a year and a half ago. I found it intriguing. Now that I’m finishing up the course and the book, I thought I’d share a little with you over the next eight weeks. I’m calling it the “Meet Your Saboteurs” email series. I hope you enjoy it.
Each week, we’ll look at two of what are called, Saboteurs and then explore the Sage brain and tactics you can use to improve your mental fitness. This is not meant to be exhaustive but more exploratory. Shirzad wrote a book and runs the course pretty frequently if you’d like more information on it.
So, let’s get started.
Meet the Master Saboteur: The Judge
That voice you think is you is actually your Judge.
The primary Saboteur we all have is called the Judge. Essentially, your mind can be your best friend and it can also be your worst enemy. Have you ever experienced that? The negative self- talk?
The idea is that we can have control over our mind. Positive Intelligence deals with the concept that our “undetected “Saboteurs” in your mind cause most of your setbacks without your full awareness. The consequences are huge. Only 20 percent of individuals and teams achieve their true potential.” (Positive Intelligence, p. 1).
That statistic is startling. That’s why I chose to explore it more closely and share what I’ve learned..
Blog Saboteurs are, at their core fear-based mental patterns. They are developed in childhood as survival mechanisms to what are perceived and/or real threats, both physical and mental. Think of them like an intruder that has gained access from enemy territory. Like a good spy, they’ve dismantled your ability to see they are dangerous and you shouldn’t let them in. They convince you they’re there for you, there to help and protect you. Yet, underneath the surface, they are wreaking havoc. As we grow up, we no longer need them because we can take care of ourselves, but they’re so ingrained we don’t necessarily recognize them. It’s pretty fascinating stuff and backed up by plenty of research.
The Judge is what we call the master Saboteur. Everyone deals with it, while the other Saboteurs vary from person to person and even across different circumstances or seasons of life. How does the Judge operate? It finds fault with you, others, and your circumstances. Its voice can function as what we may think is a ‘tough love’ sort of voice, rather than the destroyer it actually is. Because of the way it acts, it is often the cause for much of our stress, anxiety, anger, shame, and guilt…and the list goes on. The Judge often sounds responsible, even spiritual. It sounds discerning, but it’s rooted in threat, and threat shuts down our clarity. Let’s explore the different ways it impacts you.
How it judges you: It is usually the first one on the scene when you mess up. It’ll say things like, “You idiot, you did it again”, “Can’t you do anything right?, “What were you thinking?”, “You’ll never finish that because you never finish anything.” You get the idea.
How it judges others: It’s right there when someone else messes up, as well. This version of the Judge will have you focus on what is “wrong” with others and generate negative emotions such as anger, irritation, disappointment, having contempt toward them, or a sense of superiority. It says, “They should do better.” When you actually judge someone to their face, you’re actually activating their Saboteurs. The Judge’s lie? I need to judge others in order to protect you.
How it judges circumstances: It essentially labels circumstances as “bad” and actually demands you feel bad about them. Think about being stuck in traffic, losing some work or a client, or being stuck at the party with the person who doesn’t stop talking etc. That emotional reaction and how you feel as a result is a direct impact of your Judge.
Clarity Impact:
Here’s the thing: The Judge distorts perception. That person that yawns while you’re speaking may not be bored by you, they may actually have been up all night with a sick child and be genuinely exhausted. The same yawn can be viewed in at least two very different ways that will cause you to feel two very different ways. In the first, you’d be offended and possibly think, “I must be boring, they can’t stand being here with me and wish they were somewhere different.” The second scenario would hopefully cause you to feel some empathy for them and encourage them to get some rest. You’d have no need to be offended.
This distortion of the Judge actually destroys clarity…which is what we’re after here at Creating Clarity.
Productivity Impact:
Our Saboteurs run in the background all day. Think of it like having a hundred tabs open on your computer. They’re always running in the background. Taking up space. They replay conversations, catastrophize outcomes, overthink decisions, and procrastinate. That cognitive load drains your focus. It delays the execution you desperately need to feel and be successful. It fragments your energy. You don’t actually need more discipline. In some respects, you need less internal sabotage.
Beyond the Pesky Saboteurs:
Beyond the Saboteurs is our beautiful Sage brain. Think: clear, calm, decisive. The Sage operates from curiosity instead of fear, a calmness instead of urgency, strategy instead of reaction, compassion instead of shame. It doesn’t deny reality in some sort of “woo-woo” way. It faces it without distortion. It’s a type of mental fitness. And that mental fitness can be trained. That’s the beauty of it.
So what can you do about it? Practice catching yourself and your negative thoughts. There’s more to this idea than can be explained in one newsletter, but here’s a great place to start: When self criticism arises, say, “This is my Judge speaking.” Then ask, “What are the facts without the story?” Here, you’re concentrating on “Just the facts, ma’am.” Sometimes that little redirect is enough to stop the Saboteur.
Next week, I’ll introduce you to the Pleaser and the Hyper-Rational Saboteurs.
One of my passions here at Creating Clarity, is just that…creating clarity. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, in the midst of some life transition that has you off your game, or struggling in that certain relationship, usually, you’re in need of some Clarity. It’s why I coach others. We explore those areas that have you ‘off’. It’s not counseling. The goal is to move forward with awareness of your goals (clarity), frameworks to make them happen and a healthy dose of encouragement. Want to learn more? Book a free call with me and see what we can do together. I offer different packages to meet your needs. Want some real foundational help in your life? I have a package for that. Just need a little help with a specific situation? I have you covered. Why wait any longer wondering what your future holds? You can create it now, even if you can’t yet see it.
Thanks for being here.